mchollywood

so back to square one once again...but now without my mom. just keeping on keeping on. The best thing I can do is to move ahead, raise my health up and keep trying to get an acting job. I'm feeling alot better now...it's been almost a month since my mom passed away. Getting up is getting easier, caring about me is getting easier and thinking about the future is getting easier.

Happy to have started the new improv class at Aftra and looking forward to getting into the SAG conservatory classes as well.

I need to expand my circle of friends. Maybe if I got my ass to the gym I'd meet more people...damn, that makes too much sense.

Pulling way back on bread, milk and cheese...lets see if that helps.

you know, this walking thing isn't half bad. Lucy is certainly enjoying it!!! Trying to walk a little further every day. Then when I hit the gym I won't be sooo damn sore....

Also trying to stop eating around 8pm...that's a toughy, but worth the effort...Funny how you feel small changes in your body so quickly...like the way it moves or you face feels thinner LOL

Pretty people really do rule and its time for me to rule once more! Being a good looking fat guy worked for a time...but I want another round with the hotties of world...I want to turn heads again with some of my own guns and abs...Speedo here I come!!!....

evil bitch gizmo! Who invented the scale! LOL

So...I weighed myself...245...4 pounds less than when I started the Swimsuit Slimdown on the Travel Channel!! I've successfully gained all the weight back that I worked soooooo hard to lose. Just emptied out the fridge of all the junk, once again. I don't think those who don't struggle with fat realize the power food can have.

But I'm resolved that pretty people win and I was one of them and let myself go...so let's hope the same pretty face is still under this extra 50...we're gonna see!

Thank god for V8 low sodium!!!

Spring cleaning the house in June...Im so timely!

I realized that I'm not healthy...well, i've know for a long time. But as with most of us big people we have an amazing ability to hide the obivious from ourselves.

I got back from Europe (which was an incredible trip!) and found myself so sad over just how fat I was in all the pictures. I've dreamed of this trip my whole life and I look like jaba the hut in all the pics!!! Something has to change. Im not sleeping well, Im taking too many sleeping pills. Im not going to workout. Im eating like a pig...those are the only reason Im fat....god how I wish it was the big bones thing! LOL

So I've recommitted myself to bring health back into my life. Walking, eating right and persuing my dreams is the current recipe for my life. I want to get the walking going and then also start to get some swimming in at the gym and some cardio and weights too! Let's not forget I have a full private gym at my disposal...god im a idiot....

So my birthday has come and gone, Joy Behar was really funny and it was great to spend it with friends/family...I think I want my "new year" to start now!

I got the phone call today....Hi, this is the Oprah show! I couldn't believe it...I had send in an email when they requested people who needed to lose weight and wanted to do it with the Bob Greene program. So I tried! and I got a call. Now it could very well end there...im sure they are sorting thru thousands of emails. They send me a form to fill out and return, which I did right away! In this year of turn arounds, working with this program would be MASSIVE motivation for me...I still need to maintain and focus my weight loss no matter what comes of this, but it sure does feel good to be considered!

well...had them taken...god I still have a ways to go with the diet...but I knew that...well, I wasn't really facing it til the pics came back. They are pretty damn good for now, but it will be nice to lose another chin and reshoot in a few months!

Trying to take the bull by the horns and get my act back together...sat around and wasted enough time...so now its full speed ahead. Back in the Conservatory at SAG..gotta sign up for some classes til I get some addl cash for outside classes. Still have to figure out my relationship with Pat at Morgan...hope she's still interested in rep'ing me...god knows I've given her every reason NOT to...amends, amends...

Made my way into the pages of Backstage West! Top Ten Day Jobs for Actors! Such shameless ego stroking for me...but its the small things that bring me joy! LOL Yesterday was a toughy..finally took a long walk with Lucy, but just couldn't get it together to go to the gym...not beating myself up tho...its ok to let the body rest. I have to remember that and no get overly obsessive on exercise. This is going to be an ongoing thing in my lifestyle change, so I have to know that there will be days off and thats ok.

All in all...the new shift is on course!

it's the third morning of the oddessy...oh my. My arms hurt, I'm ready to go back to bed. But I still got up, got showered and dressed by 9...literaly, 8:59 am I was pulling on clothes, but I did it. Hoping this "tired" stage finishes quickly. Funny that the eating part is always the simplest for me...but the exercise, damn it's hard.

Going to say thank you, but no thank you to the extra side job. I have other plans and goals for this year and a little additional money won't help that much when I consider the time constraints that going over 70 units and having the responsibility of 3 buildings would do to me....better I concentrate on my real dreams.

Well...working out just got a whole lot easier! Finally used the gym in my own damn building! It's 50 ft across the street..no parking, no packed gym...get my work out and get done...it will be helpful...still want to go to the gym too...cant miss the jacuzzi every night! But chatting with Sendhil sure helps....and I even figured out how to use some of the damn weight machine to do my weights stuff..guess Im not that blonde after all...Europe, here comes a buff John!

Hit the gym again last night, but it was not easy getting there. Had to really drag myself out the door. What goes on in the mind with self sabotage is unbelieveable. The food issue for the moment is easier than the exercise. I really have to get one of the guys to teach me how to use the weights in our gym, maybe that will be easier if I use the gym here then going to the gym.

Surprisingly, the universe brought me a job offer! Extra money! just 12 units across the street that the owner wants me to babysit! Going to offer my services for $200 a month. CASH.

Booked my appt for new headshots next wed. For $100 I'll get a basic current headshot to work with til April when I shoot with Badar. All in all...not a bad Tuesday!

Well..I made it thur Monday! Had a wicked headache, i'm sure its from no crap to eat. Actually bought some Diet Coke and Green Tea. Gotta give caffiene another try. This wanting to nap all the time has to stop. I got my passwords for Backstage.com and Ross Reports.com and Im researching inexpensive photographers for a "interm" headshot. Until the 246 turns into 185 I'm not spending $300 on Badar.

Day two is upon me...woke up, showered, dressed and made the bed by 9am..barely. I think the gym is going to take some getting used to again. This morning I am tired, but not that sore. Gotta work on cleaning up my work area today, then off to the gym for butt, abs and arms...

My contact is in plain sight on the fridge, my universe board in front of me and my aspirations firmly back in place....any of these could slip at any moment..but its just one day at a time now...1 hour, 1 minute at a time if need be. For right now is where I live, yesterday is what I learn and tommorrow is yet to be decided.